i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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