I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You pole danced in your parka.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
