R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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