i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
