You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
