That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
