I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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