I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
