I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
