hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
