apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
