o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
