Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
