So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
