Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
