That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
