is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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