there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
