Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
