Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
did i just pee glitter
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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