I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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