All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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