hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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