Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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