see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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