she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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