I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
