Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
