Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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