his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
