how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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