I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
