ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
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They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
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Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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