I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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