I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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