made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
