Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
