I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
