I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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