oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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