you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
