I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
