I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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