Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
