Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize