I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
