just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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