I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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