I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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