I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
