you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
