May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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