If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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