I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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