i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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