I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
