We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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