So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
