Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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