so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
