idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I wish I only lived at night.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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