My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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