The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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