I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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