She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
