what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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