I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
