today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
