Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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