I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
