i think i have two assholes
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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